Yes, i hate my negative shit

When you woke up in the morning & look into a mirror, you saw someone staring blankly back at you
& you are startled cause you couldn’t recognize this ghostly figure,anymore.
Few moments later, you started laughing to yourself. What happened…

The best part of your visage has become the worst,
the one that has told stories one after another, has become speechless.
The one that sparkles when everything lost their glow, has become one of the everything. What happened…

Perhaps i was too hard-headed, i never wanted to accept thing the way it is. I wanna challenge it.
Perhaps i cared too much, so much to the extent you might find me irritating.
Perhaps i talked too much & i was actually a friggin’ pain in the ass.
Perhaps i used to stand in the front line, but now i’m fading into the back.
Perhaps i was too strong, nothing seems to be a big deal.
Perhaps i used to take on responsibilities like i take my meals everyday.
Perhaps i was too independent & you people think i don’t need you all in the first place.
Perhaps perhaps perhaps. I don’t know what happened.

I run away from problems, responsiblities & my friends.
I’ve become a coward i never expected myself to become. I’m constantly cooking up excuses.
Oh wow, wtf is this.

It’s not as if i enjoy staying in this ambivalence. Cause you know you can’t be who you were if i asked you to, too.
Maybe a couple of you understand what’s going on, maybe some of you don’t. I won’t blame you if you don’t, cause it’s just the way it is.

& i’m sorry i can’t be the one whom you enjoy being with. In the first place, you should have alr known that i’m a damn fucking boring person.
Sorry for the acerbity, cause i have kept too much to myself all this while..
I think i’m against the whole world now, oh no, i should say the whole world is against me right now (:

When one thing went wrong, your whole world just seems to be fucked upside-down.

Cause lately I’ve been tired and uninspired

Oh yes, i’m officially outta my mind.

PR has reached its yield point & has lost its elasticity & is no longer dutile but brittle. The impact strength is lower cause the stress concentration is so high.

My american heart- Tired and uninspired:

Home, was always quiet ’til the sun went down.
But we were stowaways.
Yeah, we were so afraid.

So, we ran out of town.
From everyone who was calling us out.
Relax, relax.
Exhale and breathe, just breathe for me.

You are the earth beneath my feet,
You are my gravity.
Cause lately I’ve been tired and uninspired.
Cause lately I’ve been tired, oh-so tired.

Oh, they’re not frame,
Oh, it went away.
You knew you had to leave and couldn’t stay.
Be strong for me, I’ll be strong for you.
Be strong for me, I’ll be strong for you.

You are the earth beneath my feet,
You are my gravity.
Cause lately I’ve been tired and uninspired.
Cause lately I’ve been tired, oh-so tired.

And be strong for me.
And be strong for me.
And I’ll be strong for you, oh, you.

You are the earth beneath my feet,
You are my gravity.
Cause lately I’ve been tired and uninspired.
Cause lately I’ve been tired and uninspired.

You are the earth beneath my feet,
You are my gravity.
You are the earth beneath my feet.
You are my gravity.

Cause lately I’ve been tired and uninspired.
Cause lately I’ve been tired, oh-so tired.

Then I swear to you that we can make this last

I reckon i’m a lil outta my mind lately. I’m thinking of doing things i never wanted to, i’m thinking about some crazy thrills that will not be approved.
Maybe i’m just thinking a lil too much. To the point that i no longer think straight. I don’t even know the reason of me still doing it.

Question without an answer always leads to bafflement & angst that you just wanna slit your throat open & watch the blood making the new red fountain.

I love the way i sprawl myself on the bed, icing my broken knee under the air-con while the afternoon sunlight casts a shadow on my tired legs & i fall asleep with the ice pak still attaching itself to my knee. It turned numb. No pain, no feeling. Completely.
If only i could do the same to my head, wouldn’t it be nice? (:

I watched the trees swayed with the wind, the same wind that kissed my face so soft that i can fall in those eyes.

A day to remember- If it means a lot to you:

Hey darling, I hope you're good tonight
And I know you don't feel right when I'm leaving
Yeah, I want it but no, I don't need it
Tell me something sweet to get me by
'Cause I can't come back home 'til they're singin'

La, la la la, la la la
'Til everyone is singin'

If you can wait 'til I get home
Then I swear to you that we can make this last
(La la la)
If you can wait 'til I get home
Then I swear come tomorrow, this will all be in our past
It might be for the best

Hey sweetie, I need you here tonight
And I know that you don't wanna be leaving
Yeah, you want it but I can't help it
I just feel complete when you're by my side
But I know you can't come home 'til they're singin'

La, la la la, la la la
'Til everyone is singin'
La, la la la, la la la

If you can wait 'til I get home
Then I swear to you that we can make this last
(La la la)
If you can wait 'til I get home
Then I swear come tomorrow, this will all be in our past
It might be for the best

You know you can't give me what I need
And even though you mean so much to me
I can wait through everything
Is this really happening?
I swear I'll never be happy again
And don't you dare say we can just be friends
I'm not some boy that you can sway
We knew it'd happen eventually

La, la la la, la la la
Now everybody's singin'
La, la la la, la la la
Now everybody's singin'
(If you can wait 'til I get home)
La, la la la, la la la
Now everybody's singin'
(Then I swear we can make this last)
La, la la la, la la la
Now everybody's singin'

If you can wait 'til I get home
Then I swear we can make this last

Hey darling, I hope you’re good tonight
And I know you don’t feel right when I’m leaving
Yeah, I want it but no, I don’t need it
Tell me something sweet to get me by
‘Cause I can’t come back home ’til they’re singin’

La, la la la, la la la
‘Til everyone is singin’

If you can wait ’til I get home
Then I swear to you that we can make this last
(La la la)
If you can wait ’til I get home
Then I swear come tomorrow, this will all be in our past
It might be for the best

Hey sweetie, I need you here tonight
And I know that you don’t wanna be leaving
Yeah, you want it but I can’t help it
I just feel complete when you’re by my side
But I know you can’t come home ’til they’re singin’

La, la la la, la la la
‘Til everyone is singin’
La, la la la, la la la

If you can wait ’til I get home
Then I swear to you that we can make this last
(La la la)
If you can wait ’til I get home
Then I swear come tomorrow, this will all be in our past
It might be for the best

You know you can’t give me what I need
And even though you mean so much to me
I can wait through everything
Is this really happening?
I swear I’ll never be happy again
And don’t you dare say we can just be friends
I’m not some boy that you can sway
We knew it’d happen eventually

La, la la la, la la la
Now everybody’s singin’
La, la la la, la la la
Now everybody’s singin’
(If you can wait ’til I get home)
La, la la la, la la la
Now everybody’s singin’
(Then I swear we can make this last)
La, la la la, la la la
Now everybody’s singin’

If you can wait ’til I get home
Then I swear we can make this last

Speak. Even if your voice shakes

I wish i was a nine-year old, hiding under the thick opaque sheet, fearing that a spectre might scare the wit out of me anytime. Cause only then, i would force my eyes shut & eventually fall asleep w/o realizing & leave this world behind me for two ticks.

& only at my weakest, then will i realize the awesomeness of the Lord.
I am now.

Oh lord, I’ve been waiting for you

Joy in God is absent in me, which equate to total absence of true joy in me.

I’m happy, of course i am. I could not ask for more in my life, except for that ember to burn up again.

However, Naiy’s 18th @ Timbre was really awesome cause their presence was what i missed & because i was imagining myself riding a Vespa. (:

Carolina liar- Show me what i’m looking for:
Wait, I’m wrong
Should have done better than this
Please, I’ll be strong
I’m finding it hard to resist
So show me what I’m looking for

CHORUS
Save me, I’m lost
Oh lord, I’ve been waiting for you
I’ll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for…oh lord

Don’t let go
I’ve wanted this far too long
Mistakes become regrets
I’ve learned to love abuse
Please show me what I’m looking for

CHORUS
Save me, I’m lost
Oh lord, I’ve been waiting for you
I’ll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for…oh lord

Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for

CHORUS
Save me, I’m lost
Oh lord, I’ve been waiting for you
I’ll pay any cost
Just save me from being confused
Wait, I’m wrong
I can’t do better than this
I’ll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for
Show me what I’m looking for…oh lord

I don’t wanna ever love another

Every stride manipulated by the joggers on the sidewalk made my heart ache, seriously. Not a failed relationship kind of pain but agony of not being able to do what i want.
I feel impotent. My body is really failing me. An injury which seems to make everything so bad, so so bad. The heart is desperately willing, but the physicality has flopped.

So bring on the rain & i’m stuck to you like how this song is stuck in my head

Boys like girls- Thunder:

Today is a winding road
Thats taking me to places that I didnt want to go, whoa
Today in the blink of an eye
Im holding on to something and I do not know why I tried

I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation; what Im feeling inside
I gotta find a way out
Maybe theres a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know youre unlike any other?
Youll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I dont wanna ever love another
Youll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

Today is a winding road
Tell me where to start and tell me something I dont know, whoa
Today Im on my own
I cant move a muscle and I cant pick up the phone, I dont know

And now I’m itching for the tall grass
And longing for the breeze
I need to step outside, just to see if I can breathe
I gotta find a way out
Maybe theres a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know youre unlike any other?
Youll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I dont wanna ever love another
Youll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

Yeah Im walking on a tightrope
I’m wrapped up in vines
I think Ill make it out but you just gotta give me time
Strike me down with lightning
Let me feel you in my veins
I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain

Today is a winding road
Thats taking me to places that I didnt want to go, whoa

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know youre unlike any other?
Youll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I dont wanna ever love another
Youll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know youre unlike any other?
Youll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
Oh baby bring on the pain
And listen to the thunder

18

Thursday, 7th May: Dinner with Ds in school.

Friday, 8th May: Dinner with Sclub & the 18s stayed over at my crib

How in the world can you not love him?

Peiqi (:

Joel (:

Bestf, oh yes, he’s a  M.A.T

Yes, they’ve got me my YAKPAK!

When i first turn 18!

Saturday, 9th May: MY DAY!

to me!

Star trek with boyf after dinner with family!

18 cookies

in this personalized case (:

I wish i was a rocker with blue rose in my hair

The gift that let Elaine & boyf saw the light.

U.S

Sunday, 10th May: Kite flying at Marina Barrage

I’ll leave the rest to them

Nothing can feel as sweet & as real

It’s just what that made you & me.

Jay sean- Maybe:

Beep Beep Oh Look Now There Goes My Phone
And Once Again I’m Just Hoping it’s A Text From You

[Bridge:]
It Aint Right I Read Your Messages Twice Thrice
Four Times A Night it’s True
Everyday I Patiently Wait
Feeling Like A Fool But I Do Anyway
Nothing Can Feel As Sweet And As Real
As Knowing I Wasn’t Waiting In Vain

[Chorus:]
And Maybe it’s True I’m Cought Up On You
Maybe There’s A Chance That Your Stuck On Me Too
So Maybe I’m Wrong, it’s All In My Head
Maybe We’re Afraid of Words We Both Haven’t Said

[Verse 2:]
I’m Always Connected Online
Hooked on Facebook All The Time
Hoping You’ve Checked My Profile
Just Can’t Wondering Why You Play It Cool
But I’m Hopelessly Fallen For You

Every Night On The Phone and I
Flirt With You And I Know That You Like It Girl
All Jokin Aside What You Say You And I
Come Out And Say What Were Trying To Hide

[Chorus:]
And Maybe it’s True I’m Cought Up On You
Maybe There’s A Chance That Your Stuck On Me Too
So Maybe I’m Wrong, it’s All In My Head
Maybe We’re Afraid of Words We Both Haven’t Said

Like I really Want You
I Think I Need You
Baby I Miss You
I’m Thinking Of You (x2)

[Chorus:]
And Maybe it’s True I’m Cought Up On You
Maybe There’s A Chance That Your Stuck On Me Too
So Maybe I’m Wrong, it’s All In My Head
Maybe We’re Afraid of Words We Both Haven’t Said (x2)

Maybe it’s True
I’m Caught Up On You (Like I really Want You)
Maybe I’m Wrong
Baby I Miss You

every subtle thing screams your name.

Anberlin- Retrace:

Oh, how I’ve tried to get you out of my head.
And I lie broken in words I said…
Never thought I’d walk on this street again.
Standing where it all began.

Tried to forget when I left this town…
Well it takes me right back when I come back around.

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night.
I’m back there by your side.
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away.
Counting backwards while the stars are falling.

Oh, now I find, every subtle thing screams your name.
It reminds me of places and times we’ve shared.
Couldn’t live locked in these memories.
Now I’m chained to my thoughts again.

And I tried to forget when I left this town…
But I’ll take you right back if you come back around.

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night.
I’m back there by your side.
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away.
Counting backwards while the stars are falling.

I need some shelter. I need some safety.
Photographs, they haunt me lately.
Chasing shadows as the evening takes me.
I’m still searching, but the pictures fading.

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night.
I’m back there by your side.
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away.
Counting backwards. Still counting backwards.

And no where else has ever felt like home.
And I can’t fall asleep when I’m lying here alone.
I replay your voice, it’s like you’re here.
You move the earth, but now the sky is falling.

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night.
In my mind, I’m back by your side.
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away.
Counting backwards while the stars are falling

PAINKILLERS, not.

80 pieces of Paracet 450 mg, 80 pieces of Diclofenac 25 mg, 28 pieces of Famotidine 20 mg & 2 tubes of Fastum.

10 pieces of Anarex, 10 pieces of Diclofenac 50 mg, 10 pieces of Famotidine 20 mg & 1 tube of Dhalgesic rub.

PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS PAINKILLERS

IF ONLY THEY CAN REALLY KILL MY PAIN. What more practical ways can a doctor do other than prescribing the wonder making painkillers?