go ahead

I hate 3pm, 4pm, 5pm, 6pm. Cause they are neither here nor there. Late afternoon & evening. Period of time between day & night. Not too bright, not too dark.
All in all, i hate suspension. Who likes it anyway? But this is just life.

I don’t need constant reminders that i’m not okay.
I don’t need anyone to tell me anything
I don’t need any promises from anyone though humans like to see them for they serve as an assurance but, not to me.

I have people telling me so many things but words don’t matter at times. Actions speak louder than words.

I have a grande green tea soy latte left unfinished in the fridge, a msg unread, & a mind uncleared.

I will run, to where- i don’t know.

What is your heart made of?
What is it that makes me so dear?

No, you’re not God. Your love shouldn’t be never ending. You shouldn’t be forgiving.
Stab my back now, it will make me feel better.

it’s not gonna hurt anymore

When everything hurts so much, don’t worry. It’s not gonna hurt anymore,
cause baby it’s over.
Your greatest fear has came true, your sweetest dreams shattered. Your fairy tales ended. & the ogre from your nightmare keeps coming back.

When hope brings you higher, reality shakes you harder.

I am startled, still.
But i see this coming, so the surprise ain’t that surprising afterall. Haha.

Regrets? Uncountable.

No longer my shot to be called.

Our plans & dreams to be fulfilled just ended in a poof.
Too much left unsaid, too much left undone.

Please, i don’t know what’s in my knocked out mind.
I don’t want to explain for i don’t have a word left in my dictionary
I don’t want to say it cause i’m too much of a jerk
I don’t want it for i heard of second chance not third, fourth or fifth chance.

It’s not what you think it is. But if that’s what you picture, go ahead my dear. I’m too lost for another word to be uttered.

please

Turn around once more, “What happened?”. A voice in the back called out.
I have no idea, my dear. I’m beat, worn out, shagged but i can’t put myself to sleep.

All the tears have been pulled back, the frustrations have been replaced with something i don’t know what it is.

Everything seems so funny. It’s so dramatic. It’s like a nightmare i can’t wake up from.
God, to think i have the cheeks to ask “Where are you”.
What is it now? I don’t know. Maybe sometimes running away sure seems to be the better choice.

So ask me what now,
i’ll say “leave me alone”.

Thank you people for your concern but STOP ASKING ME WHAT HAPPENED.

I appreciated that but just LEAVE ME ALONE, PLEASE.

I SCREWED UP ALRIGHT? THAT’S IT

No, you don’t deserve all this shit
& i don’t deserve you, anymore.

I’m sorry.
Fuck myself for all this

Chance

Racism surfaces almost everywhere.
The awesome & well-known country like USA is one good example.
Blacks are often seen as beneath contempt, slaves were what they descended from & a life which was beyond one’s choice could only lead them to be sold as POW by the African states or kidnapped by Europeans or Americans.
But one of the once disdained earthlings has become the sachem of USA today.

& the little red dot is a non-exception.
Kids were bombarded with teachings of  racial harmony, respect for different religions in school & parents would most probably feed their children with ethic.
But everything seems to have gone down the drains when the kids grow, witness & eventually develop the thinking of  ” I’ll be so cool as long as i follow the world.”

BUT, skin colours don’t matter as much as nationality in this small island.
Most of the time, we cracked jokes out of what we called as, Banglas.
I doubt there’s a need to list out the reasons why we discuss so much
about them.
I am guilty for this, i gave it a good laugh when the jokes were told.

But the nostalgia i saw behind those weary eyes is so intense. Behind those eyes that have seen the canvas of Singapore might lay the picture of their starving family.
The calloused hands that have made the skyline of Singapore possible may also be the hands that held their dying firstborns.

A world without racism- Impossible.
What’s next? World Poverty.
Everyone deserves a chance to live, no one is to deprive them of that other than the One who gave it all- God.

Pushover, not.

I can’t do what you can,
you can’t do what i can either.

Every night i have questions in mind to be answered,
i have doubts to be cleared,
i have reflections to be done.

Today i’m questioning myself about trust.

Back in Dunearn days, everyone started off from zero.
Everyone is so humble, no one dares to claim credits for whatever work that they had accomplished.
We started playing ball fundamentally- Lay ups, foot works, passing, defense, ball handling etc.
& it never felt better to play with them cause no matter how good everyone is right now, no matter All-star or Under 19, no matter Hwa chong, SA or PJ.
Everyone is still the one i knew on court 5 years back.

Why?
Cause it’s a team. No discordance, no trampling of each other’s hope but only love for one another.

But now wherever i’m playing, haha. Everyone thinks so highly of themselves, so darn high…

But thank God for Eng tat Hornets, though it’s a combination of several schools which comprise of a MVP, 4 U-19 & the rest of us, nobody thinks they are the star player.
& “star player” is quite a useless term. A star player is incapacitated without the remaining 4 players on court.

Nevertheless, thank God for putting people whom i can trust in the loathesome place.
So, please don’t let me lose a friend in you.

I may be weak at times but i’m not a pushover.

i know

Some say it’s God’s plan,
some say it’s fate.

It’s unexplainable  how destiny brought 2 persons tgt,
it’s even more unexplainable & funny how a twist of fate separated them.
& it’s again unexplainable & amazing how this star-crossed lovers met again.
Whether they will be parted again, it’s the Father’s command.

You say fate, i say God’s plan.

Luke 22:61-62- The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: “Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly.

Guilt is the nerve-ending of the heart. It yanks us back when we are too near the fire. Godly sorrow “makes people change their hearts and lives. This lead to salvation, and you cannot be sorry for that.” ( 2 Cor 7:10)

To feel guilt is no tragedy; to feel no guilt is.

When Peter saw Jesus looking at him from across the courtyard, he was flooded with guilt.